Gank Me! Cast

ALVAR_profile CRITS_profile


Gank Me! is an MMO porn parody comic that started as a goofy dare in 2006 to draw an mmo porn comic and for some reason people actually read it, enough that it became a bit infamous. Ever since I’ve been trying to get out a page a month (for a while there it was a page a week) in between the other things I do in my busy life.


Dante aka “Oh my GAWD!!!”

Occupation: Incubus; 5th of the 5 Incubus Brothers responsible for the Mass Warlock Raping of 1215; previously was stuck in the Brotherhood of the Skull’s dungeon as a test for new warlocks and secret source of amusement. Also served time as a clerk for victims of accidental erotic death in the nether once freed from the Brotherhood by a certain blond elf. Now he’s back and he’s pissed.

Hobbies: A little obvious isn’t it? What do you think sex demons do… Ok he does like playing billards in his free time

Special Abilities: can shape shift into male, female, or herm forms at will; can take the shape of any humanoid for a limited amount of time (about an hour, or until his concentration fails), able to feed on both mana and life energy through extended physical contact, while under the “control” of a very new warlock Dante himself is still an elite demon; he hits like a tank and deals more damage than a sex demon really should.  Can cast Seduce on anybody and the effects last as long as he’s in the room unless someone is stupid enough to fuck him..then well they’re exactly that.

“I used to be a check in clerk for the department of Accident Sex Deaths. Sure it was boring but I had my own cube, uniform allowance, dental, and time for a three hooker lunch on Fridays and that my friend, ain’t half bad a deal. What are YOU gonna give me?”

Special: Because of his great needs for magic, a weak magic user like Gally is unable to keep him fully fed so he tends to leech off of anybody else he can. Dante technically is still under the control of another warlock instead of Gally but it’s not like he would ever admit it and he’s pissed about it too.

First Appearance: Page 5 of Spare Parts


Moondai DELTA NAME: White Lightning

Occupation: lightning and ice calling shaman and basic trainer for the Deltas; Moonlights as a burlesque dancer for extra cayush

Hobbies:drinking…a lot of it. Moon’s not an alcoholic…she just has needs that involve blacking out on a nightly basis. Grudgingly training the new guildies, keeping Al out of trouble and crafting jewelry keep her otherwise occupied and to pay for replacement gear as her full time trainer job really doesn’t cover extra luxury expenses. Room and board yes, fancy hair beads and a nicer saddle for her mount no.

Special Abilities:seemingly drinks nothing but goblin rocket fuel, volatile rum, and cactus liquor and is still living to tell the tale; can snap out of a drunken rage and be quite calculating instantly; is rumored to know drunken master style staff work but nobody in the guild has ever seen her do it. Al fears her bloodthirsty nature enough not to push her too far as he knows the chill state she’s in most of the time is a total cover…or at least he assumes that at the moment

“I don’t suffer from a drinking problem, I enjoy every moment of it. Now give that back!”

Special: Moon is one of the basic trainers for the guild which is more community service than an actual job. Nobody knows why she’s doing it and she ain’t talking.

NOTE: This character came LONG BEFORE the DN handle and as Moondai was the old username I had before (From playing that shaman…badly…on her server) it stuck and now people have started calling the humble drawer of the comic that. TOTALLY NOT THE SAME THING! The only possible borderline Gary Stu in this comic is AL.

First Appearance: Page 4 of Issue 4

Resari Solblade

Occupation: jr pally trainer; official ego deflater; basic training coach

Hobbies:fucking, naked twister, karaoke with the goblins in a certain town close by, spying on Alvar and trying to get him to marry her, or at least not go bang someone else right after they’re done (it’s rude y’know). Keeping the newbs under control is actually something she enjoys

Special Abilities:her healing abilities hurt more than help thanks to being exposed to way too much fel magic on a daily basis

“You do realize that you won’t level up by staring at my ass all class don’t you punk?”

Special:Resi used to be a temple priest but was far too much trouble for them to keep her around so she quit and rolled Pally. She’s still as much trouble and gets around just as much as before, but now she’s got armor shiny enough to do her makeup in and the perfect mace for when some smartass decides to feel her up while waiting for the zepplin

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